You're missing several commas where they should be, and some of the punctuation is wrong. Some of your sentences are run-on or are missing punctuation so that they flow smoothly. As I said, the list of grammatical errors is too large for me to list here.
Actually, there's another goof. We determined early on that zombies only feast on human blood marrow, not on human body parts.
The whole "stabbing zombie with a knife that pokes out the other side" and "Ein being drunk and then suddenly sober" still needs to be fixed. If Ein's still drunk, then he shouldn't be fighting so gracefully, though that would depend on exactly how drunk he is.
I'm not good at humor; I more or less just use sarcasm or an occasionally witty/ biting remark in my writing, but I got across the point that you were trying to be humorous. Maybe someone else on the forum could help you perfect your humor, but I'm afraid I'm not good in that area :P
If you want to know what mistakes you exactly made on the paragraph, I could edit it and PM it to you so you see what I mean. Would that help, or is there another way you'd like to do it?
A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people- Thomas Mann
My writing blog: [
aspiringpen.blogspot.com]
