I haven't the slightest clue what to do with William right now. XD

Hey I was thinking of joining if you guys think that's OK?
so here's my char

Name: Ein Brennan
Age:29
Occupation: Chimney sweep
Appearance: 5ft. 10 medium build. Dark green eyes, jet black hair which is a few inches above shoulder length. His chin and face have the scraggly hairy remains of a pore shave. He wears a black pair of trousers with worn out boots and an old worn leather jacket which has several holes in it. His face is square and he has a wide brow, he always has a bottle near by to wash away the memories of his Madeline.
Back ground: Was born in Ireland in Dublin, at the age of 5 he showed an interest in knives when he used his mothers kitchen knife to break into the cookie jar which he knocked down from the top shelf. Since then he had been practicing throwing and fighting with knives. At the age of 18 he ran away to the circus with his sweet heart Madeline. He became a professional knife thrower. (One of those guys who throws a bunch of knives around someone who's standing against a wall)
But his career and confidence were shattered when his hand slipped on a slippery knife, and he accidentally killed his assistant and wife Madeline during a performance. After spending ten years in jail for the murder of Madeline Brennan, he left Ireland on came to America on a steam boat. He drifted from town to town doing odd jobs and spending all his money on Irish whiskey which inevitably got him fired, hence the drifting.

I'll be posting some time soon.



Edited 1 times. Last edit at 04/22/12 11:29AM by Dreven.

Question about your character, Dreven. You say that he ran away to join the circus at 17. He couldn't have married until he was 18, as far as I know, and even if he killed Madeline while he was 18, ten years of jail would make him 28 at the very least, and it sound like he's been out doing stuff for a while. So either his history or his age need to change, because it just doesn't line up.

Also, since this forum is apparently going to be deleted some time in the near future, you might want to be more concerned with saving old threads than writing this story. Not sure that anyone's going to continue this right now.

I didn't say he got married at seventeen only that his child hood sweet heart ran away with him. I'll edit the post though to make it clear when he was married. And your totally right about the jail time and his age sorry about that I wrote it last night at 12:00 AM

k here goes I was thinking that one of the drunks in town who was saved by Martha is Ein my char. what do you people think?

I think the story's dead, Dreven.





A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people- Thomas Mann




My writing blog: [aspiringpen.blogspot.com]

No I just posted on it, spent some time doing it to. So I'm an aspiring writer and I need some feed back. I really, really, really would appreciate anyone who will read my post on the thread Zombies in the 20's and let me know how could I improve, for instance; better composition, or I payed to much attention to one area and lost the readers interest. Or whatever you think is good advice about on how it could be better.
Thanks tons.

Dreven, the issue with the story is most of our posters aren't posting. One person posting isn't going to keep it alive; more than one is needed for a story to keep going. If you want, just you and I could start another story and keep it going, if you're interested and if you're going to be on a fair amount.

As for feedback on your posts, you've got several grammatical issues that are too numerous to list here. I wouldn't use the word "guy"; "male" or "a man" would be more appropriate and easier for the reader to understand. Also, how does Ein know it's a zombie? The hunters and Jake do, but how does Ein know? He'd merely think it was a cannibal. Your use of the word "importunately" is badly used, and I don't understand why it was used because the official definition is "urgent" or "troublesome"; I'd use a different, more appropriate word. "Ireland-er" should be Irish, but in this case you could use "Irishman" instead. A few words are either misspelled or not in their proper form (for example, you say "breathe", a verb, when it should be "breath", a noun). Also, I doubt alcohol would burn off that quickly; if he was drunk the day before, then he'd be having a hangover, not still feeling drunk. The knife that killed the zombie must have an extremely long blade for it to go through the human body (you've got organs and a spinal cord to consider too). Hope that helps!

Also, did you know that your second post was practically the same as the first one? You only added a couple of extra sentences to the second post.





A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people- Thomas Mann




My writing blog: [aspiringpen.blogspot.com]

I looked this thing up on the internet that the idea of zombies was actually in several books y during the 1920's so my char read about it in the story. And thanks for the feed back I'm working on my grammar it just really hard for me for some reason, but I continually try at it. the word importunately was a typo. hm. All the stuff your saying is from an unedited version of my post, I accidentally posted it before I finished editing i'll do that now. My second post was the edited, without some of the errors I'll delete it.

Ok. Gotcha.





A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people- Thomas Mann




My writing blog: [aspiringpen.blogspot.com]