so i have a 5 page story that i want to submit as a short story somewhere but i want it to be perfect before i submit it. i need a few people who would be willing to crit it before i submit. thx in advance!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That which does not feel pain is dead.

I'm game if there's not a lot of gore, language, or sex.





A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people- Thomas Mann




My writing blog: [aspiringpen.blogspot.com]

I'm up for anything. :D Bring it on.

(Though tell me what kind of things you want looking for, because something that length I can go through and find just about ever misplaced comma if you need it.)

---

WRAITHS OF YORE
Characters in stories: Amyrra and Kiera in Epidrialion (dead); Melitha and Skylar Darkdawn in Superheroes (dead); Alanna Taylor and Brenna in Western (dead); Kesla, Ailill Senron and Taretha in Renegades (we finished it! Oh yeah!); Ailís, Rhangoue and Zoe in Star Wars (dead); Sydney, Tanya and Skylar in Before the World Breaks (dead); Alvina and Wine in The Eyes and the Heart (dead); Ethan, Sars and Atieno in Inner City (dead); Elsie, Nate and Darin in St. Bobbit's Academy for Wayward Children (dead); Kesla Senron, Ailill Senron, Taretha, Amity, Iladie Senron, Faiz Senron and Jaime Senron in Resurgence (we finished this as well, go us!); Brenna, Inaeyr and Traea in Coalescence (dead); Saif and Viveth in Ways of the Heart, Rules of the Sword (dead); Patoro and Rolina in World in Flames; Niroal in Warriors of Keridin; Arax and Taniel in War of the Drought; William in Zombies in the 1920s; and Rhee in the Outtakes.

Hi you have reached the Lunatix! None of us are available to take your call right now because we are to busy hounding writers for more of their stories. Please leave a message after the beep. *BEEP* Lunatix 4 Life!



Edited 1 times. Last edit at 02/17/11 07:16AM by Sulare.

I'll give it a final run-through once everyone else has done so? With the expectation that you'll tell me if you have a deadline for anything >.>

lol var you have un-comma-ed version already. it was your bday present. and i need to do some grammar corrections before i can give it to you guys but they should be done by the end of the day. thx guys a ton for volunteering!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That which does not feel pain is dead.

oooh! me! me! me! Pick me! :D

I'll read it. XD

If you need help with grammar corrections, that's something I'm really good at.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.
~Charles Peguy

all copies have been sent out via PM let me know what you think or if i missed sending one to you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That which does not feel pain is dead.

WELL THEN I shall reread with glee and brandish my red pen. XDDDD <3

Read it yesterday, Shali, and I LOVE it. <3

Grammatical corrections (/suggestions) are in the works. Hoping to do that tonight or tomorrow, though it might take me a few days because I have limited amounts of time. Do you have an email address you can pm me? I can do it over pm but I prefer email because I like to color-code (it's a visual thing) and that's easier to do in email than in pm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.
~Charles Peguy